Full Quiver

I am hoping that in 8 days I will finally be reunited with my kids. I so cannot wait. It’ll will have been 50 days come Aug. 6. This has been horrible. I so hope that they are not “damaged” from this experience. If they are we will get them the help they need. I want to love on them and spend alot of time with them. I so cannot wait.

I have to appear in court in 9 days and hopefully this long, dark nightmare will be over. I got some good news from the attorneys and my fingers are crossed. I miss my family so much and can’t wait to see them and show my love to them. I want to hug on my kids, get Ben’s ribs, play with Sasha the Pug, and especially hold my wife.

I am trying to plan a surprise for them but that really all depends on what happens on the 6th. Please say a prayer for us.

Well yesterday I went to the dentist. I’ve been battling a bad tooth for a year or more really and the inevitable is on the way. I have bone loss, tooth loss, the nerve has been cut out and I am facing a root canal and very possible extraction. Since it happens to be the tooth I use to chew with then I will probably need to replace it IF an extraction is necessary. I hope I can get away with a crown for $500. Otherwise I’m looking at a bridge or an implant. Can we say thousands $$$$!

I was impressed with the spray on Novocaine. No shots in the gums. Just a fine mist that numbed my entire mouth. I have much to think about and save for and may not have much time for either. Thank God for insurance otherwise I would be screwed.

Anger management class was very interesting and humbling. I say everyone should take it. Last night we discussed Mel Gibson’s latest tirade. WHOA! I can tell this class is going to be very beneficial to my overall health, well being, and relationships.

Things are going so much better. I think the end is in sight, I really do. I feel yucky today though. Almost like I have a stomach bug. I am not sure what it is but I hope it’s gas. I did eat a bit too much this weekend; guess I got my appetite back which isn’t a good thing. I hope that’s what it is.

I am supposed to go to the dentist this afternoon for a cleaning. I’m going to have to get a tooth pulled but I think I have to have a periodontist for that.

I have anger management class afterward. I did my homework Saturday.

By the way, I went with my brother to the drag races Friday night. A girl won in the motorcycle class. She was running 119mph consistently and got up to either 124 or 129mph. I couldn’t tell as some of the lights on the scoreboards were out. Either way that’s crazy. She let a guy ride her bike at the end and he was too afraid to get up to 70mph. hahaha She was able to get up to that speed in less than 6 seconds.

I never thought I’d have any girls. i guess boys just dream about having little clones of themselves, that’s not good in my case, and don’t think about having girls. I never had a sister and really all the kids in my family were boys.

Now I have 3 beautiful daughters and think often of having to clean a shotgun in the presence of many a misguided lad. I miss my girls, all of them. Allie is so loving and she likes to snuggle. GG always wants to be in the middle of something but right now I’d let her interrupt me all day. Caet is her own self. She is 15 and I don’t know how to respond to that. Again i never had a sister so being so close to a teenage girl is new to me. I wasn’t the ladies man in school and had very few friends that were female. In other words I didn’t hang out with muchless date alot of girls (never dated a guy so don’t read into that). At least by having female friends a guy could get to know some of the emotions, thoughts, plans, ideas, perceptions of young women but I missed out on that experience.

anyhow I love Caetie but can’t figure out how to show it. Allie likes hugs and cuddling, GG likes attention and to play with my phone and gadgets. Caet, I can’t break into. She’s smart, pretty, has lots going for her, is ambitious, has some goals (good ones), is a great help to her siblings and mom, is good with a camera and a computer, but I can’t get in. I’ve tried, I’ve wanted to, I just don’t know how. My worst fear is driving her away into the arms of a loser because she may be hungry within for a relationship with her dad.

I gotta stop here…..

For years, maybe always, I have been one who roots for the under dog, pulls for the loser, sides with the disadvantaged. I have been a proponent of fairness. I would fight tooth and nail for fairness even at the cost of being unfair. Those that know me know that I would jump in a situation to right a wrong at all costs.

Well now it’s time that I fight my own battles. I need to work on Danny and I think that is fair enough. I met with Dr. Kemp yesterday. She did a clinical evaluation of me by asking a series of questions. She will study those responses and next time we meet she will diagnose me. She said she’s sees no need for meds but who knows what is down the road. Dr. Indukuri released me Thursday and said yo call anytime I needed to talk. I like him; he is a wise man.

Dr. Kemp asked me about traumatic events in my life such as abuse, car wrecks, death, etc. I told her I drowned as a child. She said she didn’t see that one coming. hahaha I have some serious anxiety issues.

She asked if I were ever picked on, bullied, or mistreated in school. WOW, that was a door that was kicked open. I had a great elementary school experience, a good high school experience, but middle school was rough and it hurt my hs years. Obviously it has seriously affected me. I have thought about it several times since she asked. ouch

I suppose the next couple of weeks will be turbulent. I have high hopes for restoration and reconciliation. Lots of emotions to sift through. I miss my family so much; it hurts so bad. Toby’s birthday is less than a month away and Wen’s is 30 days from now. I am afraid I will miss those events too. I am scared. I don’t think I can go through that.

I seem to be having serious trust issues. That hurts so bad also. I don’t want to be that way but can’t find my way out of the mindset right now. I am afraid. I am reassured on every front but very afraid. Today I found myself battling those fears and doubts again. Maybe I need a pill.

I am so in love with my wife. When things go sour, bitterness sets in, anger and disappointment arise one thinks they could do without the other person but I have so missed my wife. I know that we can get through all this mess because we see that our love is greater than our differences. Differences can be worked through, we can’t do without love.

My wife is HOTT, she cares for me, she looks great, she’s smart, she’s caring, and she’s fun to be around. I want our love to be revived and want us to forever be boyfriend and girlfriend. I think we can. I have some plans for our anniversary in October that I think she will like. No Gatlinburg, no beach, no trip downtown, etc.

I cannot wait till we can get back together but i suppose I will have to. This legal process is tough.

I love you Wendy!

This has turned out to be a great week. Last week was pure hell on earth but this week things have turned around. My legal situations are totally different; I have secured 2 lawyers and they seem to be on top of things. I see this all being behind US in 2 more weeks.

I saw my doc today and he discharged me. He is very happy for the changes in my life. That man is very wise and has great foresight.

Work is going well also. I have been very busy but not able to focus yet this week I was able to complete a few jobs.

I love my wife and can’t wait for this to be completely behind us.

Monday I attended anger management class #1. Saturday was orientation. I loved the class and can see how it would be very helpful for most if not all people. I know some say they don’t have anger issues and maybe not, but it deals with so many things like self-responsibility and the such.

I have an appointment Thursday with my doc and Friday with a new doc. I am looking for positive changes in my life to make things better for me and my entire family. I think I have been lackadaisical in my thinking over the years and thus here I am. People always say their isn’t a hand book on marriage or on parenting but you know what there are several (yes the Bible). Some people get it right and they put their thoughts and secrets into books and thus we have manuals. We need to break the cycle, not be haughty, and just read their advice. The same goes for these classes and such.

Yesterday may have been the best day of my life; it was at least the best day in a very long time.

Wow, what a difference a day can make. There are certainly better days ahead. I finally got a lawyer to contact Wen’s lawyer and I think we are going to make some pretty heavy progress. I truly believe we love one another and that out of all this confusion will come something great. I am looking for better days ahead.